A Simple Breakdown of Metal Subgenres

I know that the outside world thinks it’s baffling and in some ways hilarious that there are so many different subgenres of metal when to their ears it all sounds like a bunch of noise, so I’m going to break them down for you in layman’s terms. Heeeerrree we go!

TRADITIONAL HEAVY METAL- Metal for middle-aged men who still wear band t-shirts but definitely tuck them in.

POWER METAL- Metal for people who like to have rocking music for their D&D battles.

NWOBHM (that’s New Wave of British Heavy Metal for you normal folks)- Metal for people who like to embarrass themselves on karaoke night.

HAIR/GLAM METAL- Metal for people who still use “nerd” as an insult.

THRASH METAL- Metal for people whose denim vests always smell like beer.

DEATH METAL- Metal for people who complain about the Saw movies not being violent enough.

TECHNICAL DEATH METAL- Metal for people who play guitar and complain about the Saw movies not being violent enough.

MELODIC DEATH METAL- Metal for people who want to sing along in their car when they’re not complaining about the Saw movies not being violent enough.

BLACKENED DEATH METAL- Metal for people who wear pentagram bracelets and complain about the Saw movies not being violent enough.

GRINDCORE- Metal for people who don’t necessarily complain about the Saw movies not being violent enough but definitely hang out with people who do.

BLACK METAL- Metal for people who hate being able to read the name of a band in their logo.

TRVE KVLT BLACK METAL- Metal for people who think the people in the above category are way too fucking mainstream.

GOTHIC METAL- Metal for people who write poetry but want you to know that doesn’t make them soft.

DOOM METAL- Metal for people who have considered joining a Cthulhu cult.

STONER METAL- Metal for people who have considered joining a Cthulhu cult while they were high.

INDUSTRIAL METAL- Metal for people who dream of customizing their car to make it look like one from the Mad Max movies.

ALTERNATIVE METAL- Metal for people who got angry that one time in college.

NU-METAL- Metal for people who got angry that one time in middle school.

SYMPHONIC METAL- Metal for people who painted their nails black when they were in a high school musical.

FOLK METAL- Metal for people who give you a black candle for Winter Solstice.

PIRATE METAL- Metal for people who get way too drunk at Renaissance Faire.

MATHCORE- Metal for people who definitely don’t play guitar but still make sarcastic remarks insinuating Jimi Hendrix songs are for beginners.

BLACKGAZE- Music for people who want to appear edgy at the organic farmer’s market.

CHRISTIAN METAL- Music for people who literally worship Satan.