A Simple Breakdown of Metal Subgenres
I know that the outside world thinks it’s baffling and in some ways hilarious that there are so many different subgenres of metal when to their ears it all sounds like a bunch of noise, so I’m going to break them down for you in layman’s terms. Heeeerrree we go!
TRADITIONAL HEAVY METAL- Metal for middle-aged men who still wear band t-shirts but definitely tuck them in.
POWER METAL- Metal for people who like to have rocking music for their D&D battles.
NWOBHM (that’s New Wave of British Heavy Metal for you normal folks)- Metal for people who like to embarrass themselves on karaoke night.
HAIR/GLAM METAL- Metal for people who still use “nerd” as an insult.
THRASH METAL- Metal for people whose denim vests always smell like beer.
DEATH METAL- Metal for people who complain about the Saw movies not being violent enough.
TECHNICAL DEATH METAL- Metal for people who play guitar and complain about the Saw movies not being violent enough.
MELODIC DEATH METAL- Metal for people who want to sing along in their car when they’re not complaining about the Saw movies not being violent enough.
BLACKENED DEATH METAL- Metal for people who wear pentagram bracelets and complain about the Saw movies not being violent enough.
GRINDCORE- Metal for people who don’t necessarily complain about the Saw movies not being violent enough but definitely hang out with people who do.
BLACK METAL- Metal for people who hate being able to read the name of a band in their logo.
TRVE KVLT BLACK METAL- Metal for people who think the people in the above category are way too fucking mainstream.
GOTHIC METAL- Metal for people who write poetry but want you to know that doesn’t make them soft.
DOOM METAL- Metal for people who have considered joining a Cthulhu cult.
STONER METAL- Metal for people who have considered joining a Cthulhu cult while they were high.
INDUSTRIAL METAL- Metal for people who dream of customizing their car to make it look like one from the Mad Max movies.
ALTERNATIVE METAL- Metal for people who got angry that one time in college.
NU-METAL- Metal for people who got angry that one time in middle school.
SYMPHONIC METAL- Metal for people who painted their nails black when they were in a high school musical.
FOLK METAL- Metal for people who give you a black candle for Winter Solstice.
PIRATE METAL- Metal for people who get way too drunk at Renaissance Faire.
MATHCORE- Metal for people who definitely don’t play guitar but still make sarcastic remarks insinuating Jimi Hendrix songs are for beginners.
BLACKGAZE- Music for people who want to appear edgy at the organic farmer’s market.
CHRISTIAN METAL- Music for people who literally worship Satan.